I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
