Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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