A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
