worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
