Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
