I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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