In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
