we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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