Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
