that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My dick has a subreddit
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
