I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
