piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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