You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
