Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the day after is always just damage control
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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