I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
