Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
