At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
