Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
