I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
