i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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