Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
