I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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