Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
