i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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