I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
