I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
