When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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