please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
