she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
