I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
