dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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