She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
