After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize