biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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