Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize