I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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