32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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