Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
