My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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