8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
