Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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