Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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