This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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