my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
