and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
