I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
