So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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