We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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