shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
