I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
