Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
