I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
