let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
