is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i dont even know how to be here
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
