Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
