I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
