i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
