i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
