I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
