one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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