i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
