yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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