You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
