the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
