we have pet lesbian snakes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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