I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
