So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
