ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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