You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
