If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
