for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize