WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
