He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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