operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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