She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
