bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
