please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
