actually, I'm a sock model
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
