fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
