Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
