if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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